Posted On 30 Jun 2018
Asking Seductive Questions
Asking questions demonstrate that you have a genuine interest in the other person. However, the type of question asked and the manner in which it is asked makes the difference between coming across as a potential lover as opposed to an unpleasant interrogator. Successful swingers use seductive questioning during the small talk of a date or other swinging encounters.
It is also essential to listen with full attention to the other person’s answers. Listen out for key phrases and respond with empathy and understanding.
Here is an example. Imagine that you are attending a sex party in a swinger club. A good question would be to ask other guests what other venues they’ve been to. A typical reply might be that this is the other person’s first ever visit to a swinger club. In this case you can respond with genuine empathy by using the memory of the first time you went to a swinger party. This will help you to create a bond of shared experiences just by asking one open question and that is what builds rapport with other people.
The same question also led completely naturally to an opportunity to divulge some background information about yourself. To have done so by merely talking about yourself would have most likely had a negative effect.
Now imagine the most likely alternative reply to the original question. This would be the situation where the other person had in fact attended other swinger clubs. They would name one or more such clubs and start to describe them to you or ask whether you also had attended them. This still presents you with a gifted opportunity to strike up rapport with the other person. It would naturally lead to you asking more about the clubs they had attended and what they liked and disliked about them. Can you see how each answer generates more opportunities for empathising and sharing experiences, thus building more rapport?
The Uncertainty Principle
A basic psychological fact about swingers is that they have a desire for adventure. It is this sense of adventure that makes having sex with strangers a key element of the swinger lifestyle and it is for this reason that something I call the Uncertainty Principle works so well for swinger dating and other lifestyle situations.
The Uncertainty Principle works by getting the other person to wonder whether you’re interested in having sex with them or not. Letting them know that you are definitely interested right from the word go, might work sometimes. Pretending you a not interested is always likely to be a complete turn off. But if you create a feeling of uncertainty you’ll be tapping right into that basic swinger need for adventure. You will have presented yourself as a challenge to be met and something of an enigma to be solved. In other words you will have provided them with all the things they are most attracted to.
Avoid Small Talk Killers
Be careful not to fire off one question after another. Doing so will make you sound more like an undercover journalist than another swinger looking to share some fun.
Don’t boast. Over the years, I’ve met far too many braggart swingers who spend their time telling other swingers their experiences of the world’s best swinger clubs, or which Caribbean swinger holidays they have enjoyed, etc. It isn’t the sort of behaviour that most people find a turn on.
Being too open. When you open yourself up too much you are taking away the element of intrigue. Keep a bit back and create that air of mystery which, like the uncertainty principle, fits well with a swingers sense of adventure.
Getting straight into the sex. Just because swingers are looking for recreational sex, doesn’t mean they want to forgo the seductive prelude. Socializing and flirting are key aspects of every swinger party. So just asking, “Fancy a threesome?” right at the outset of a meeting, isn’t usually the best way to proceed!