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Domestic violence knows no boundaries. It affects women, men and teens from all backgrounds. Kari was a happy teenager with hope and ambition. Then an abusive boyfriend changed everything. Be Smart. Be Well. Domestic violence is video stories, resources, tips and tools to help educate yourself about domestic violence. besmartbewell.com/domesticviolence. Mrazek co-produced the video, performed the interviews and wrote the edit script.
Take a few minutes to find out what it takes to get the 2nd date by just following these easy-to-understand tips! Join Relationship Coach, Marni Battista, and Man Panelist, Christian Anderson of Dating With Dignity to learn how to tap into your feminine mojo!
If I’m a student of grief, I’m also a student of conflict, and whilst understanding of grief leads to acceptance, understanding of conflict leads to forgiveness. This is the premise:
When you forgive you let go of what you cannot control.
Let me be frank. I’ve wandered two quite unique journeys of reconciling myself to peace, in making matters right in my own mind and heart, through forgiveness.
Incredibly I found complete peace when the most significant person in my world ended our relationship. Almost immediately I could see where I’d messed up in that relationship. I owned my contribution. Forgiveness was easy because I took the log out of my own eye.
But there is another path I’ve had to walk, where I felt abused, and there has been no effort from others involved to reconcile matters, despite our efforts. A completely different path for someone who has experienced the ease of letting go by letting God have His way. I can tell you that this ease of letting go was as real as could be, yet it was nothing about me being in my power – all God’s power, because that’s how God works – through our letting go.
So, with the experience of forgiving a betrayal about as deep as anyone could be betrayed, contrasted with experiences of not being free to let other situations go, I have prayed long and desperately to understand something more of the riches of God in the grace He gives and the grace He takes away.
Suddenly I’ve come to an understanding that in experiencing both kinds of hearts – soft and hard – God has shown me both the depths of His grace to enable us to let go and the extent of our sin to resist His movement of softening our hearts. I know both intimately. Both states of heart have been important experiences. I thank Him for both.
God has allowed both and has invited me to compare them in the light of His grace.
What He’s allowed me to see is compelling.
Until we’ve not been able to forgive, we’ve not come to the place where we’re desperate enough to give forgiveness another try. Until it’s been impossible to forgive someone who abused us or betrayed us, we don’t dig deeply enough into the mysteries of the heart’s rebellion in unforgiveness. We remain in self-protection mode. But we also remain locked out of the freedom Jesus seeks for us to have and knows we need. A freedom from the perpetrator, so they may no longer do us any harm.
In those difficult situations where letting go seems impossible, we’re given the opportunity to develop an attitude of forgiveness, acknowledging forgiveness is classically a two-way process requiring protagonists to give and receive forgiveness.
It helps in our developing this attitude of forgiveness when we acknowledge it makes logical sense to let go that which we cannot control. To let go of that over which we have no control. It makes no sense to continue to hold that which can only be bad and that which can never be good for us.
When you forgive you let go of what you cannot control.
While we prepare for ourselves a heart ready to forgive we have another opportunity: to prepare our hearts for what God is doing in the mix of what was a troubled relationship.
God brings us all to account. Even if we’ve experienced the worst kind of abuse and our offender is the worst kind of sociopath, we have equivalence in our relationship with God. The Lord calls us all to account. We must be ready for ours with a clear conscience for what that might entail. And pity them if they refuse their own readiness!
You have control over how God will judge you.
Sometimes God wants us to be tough on a person for their own good; it’s the loving thing. We can be tough in kind ways. We can be firm in gentle ways. We can hold our ground in ways that is inoffensive. We can prepare to meet the offender in the grace they withheld from us. We can rise above the standard of their sinfulness. We do not need to trust them if they’re not trustworthy. We can make things right.
When you forgive you do what God wants, by doing what is within your control.
When you act in grace, you forgive by action.
When you forgive you exhibit God’s power to love a person, not according to what they deserve, but according to the victorious holy standard of God.
For, in forgiving a person of their sin against Deity you let yourself off the hook of God’s judgment, while there they remain, standing in the Dock.
The only way they can make it right with God is if they make it right with you.
When you forgive you do what God wants, and you get out of His way and let Him do what He will do.
These kinds of things demonstrate an attitude of forgiveness acknowledging in faith that God catches up with every sinner this side of eternity or the other.
Acknowledgement to PeaceWise teachings, a ministry I’m privileged to be involved with.
We’ve all been in this place. And yet, another grief falls upon us.
There is a relationship that shatters us in the process of its shattering.
Whether the relationship is intact or not is immaterial. There is a grief in both aspects of relationship: in absence especially, but also in presence. Ask the spouse of the one with dementia. What was so precious is gone, forever. Sometimes presence resembles absence in the cruellest of ways.
This is not just about marriage; it’s about best-friendships, collegiate and professional partnerships, and soul-mate relationships of all kinds of designations – some that we never designed and never thought could ever work but did.
This is about any situation of grief that impacts you over a relationship that needs a miracle. Sometimes that miracle is that you can let the relationship go. Such a process is a gradual learning, of risking courageously, of giving back to God what life has taken from us, and of honouring the compelling truth.
Maybe you’re not ready to let go just yet. Sometimes that miracle you seek is one that gives you the strength to hold on.
Hope rests in faith to hold on or wisdom to let go,
but oh what strength it takes to trust in tomorrow.
What Happens Too Frequently
Something joined us together, five months or fifty years ago, in all manner of circumstances and situations we either could have or would not have predicted.
A glue formed between us, and while things were good they were so very wholesome and productive and good. It wasn’t just the love we shared. There was something beautifully elusive that formed between us, through the dynamic that we shared. And what is most frustrating is we can only attest to the potential that was borne between us as one of us or both of us looks back.
Perhaps they moved on without us. Maybe we had to move on from them. What happens too frequently is something unravels; destiny or death. It sneaks up and happens suddenly or we could see it coming. Sometimes there are warnings and it’s infuriating when every method of communication is exhausted and there’s still no response.
The shattered relationship completely deconstructs what identity we’ve built together. It reconfigures our philosophy for life. It shakes us to the core. It could bring us back to who we were. It can cause us to question who on earth we are. It can lay us waste.
“… unless a deliberate effort is made to restore and strengthen a [damaged] relationship, it will generally deteriorate.”
– Ken Sande, The Peacemaker, p. 219.
Reconciliation is a weird concept. It is highly negotiable in nature. We can find we’ve made all sorts of agreements with ourselves, but these were couched in terms only we could conceive. Sometimes their terms are completely what we could never have expected. We need to be ready for repentance.
There are myriad possibilities when it comes to reconciling, whether it’s a person-to-person reality, the revival of circumstances that once were, or reconciling it’s over, and every varietal between.
Sometimes reconciliation is impossible, and acceptance is the destination where hope is finally revived. A necessary severing takes place. A moving on brings healing and restoration. In these cases, acceptance is reconciliation.
The only thing we can do is honour the truth held above – a deliberate effort is needed. If that effort has been made and to no avail, we work on acceptance. If the effort is necessarily ongoing, so be it; we’re called to a season of patience that could last a year or five, or a decade or more. Ours is the wisdom to leave it with God.
Some deterioration reminds us of the effort due
to revive it to life.
Other deterioration is purely beyond our control.
All deteriorated relationships inspire us to pray.
We pray for peace above all.
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The Ricky Gervais Show – Karl’s Diary: Relationship Advice
The Ricky Gervais Show – Ricky Gervais
The Ricky Gervais Show – Stephen Merchant
The Ricky Gervais Show – Karl Pilkington
The Ricky Gervais Show
Our YouTube channel features FULL episodes of The Ricky Gervais Show as well as other comedy series and specials.
From the creators of The Office and Extras, comes the comedy series, The Ricky Gervais Show. The series is an animated version of Gervais’ podcasts that earned a spot in The Guinness Book of World Records for the most downloads.
It is voiced by Ricky Gervais, Stephen Merchant and Karl Pilkington whose offbeat musings inspire many of the storylines which include the merits of 20th century inventions, Karl’s suggestion for population control, how philosophy has evolved through the ages, Karl’s round head and his thoughts on charity.
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Kate shares her tips for starting over in Los Angeles– a city where dating comes to die. To find out more about Kate’s new series “Dating in LA and Other Urban Myths” and how you can help bring the pilot to life, visit our campaign: http://igg.me/at/KateDating/x/2815271
This week we investigate some romantic tips provided by the animal kingdom. Should we take dating advice from animals?
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